I want to blog~ I really want to blog!

There are so many things that i want to blog about.

I want to blog about:

~ The overnight at chua's hse
~ My convictions
~ My thoughts (i-know-what)
~ My cg
~ The pple i miss
~ The happenings this few weeks
~ What i've learn and experience from God

But if i start blogging now, i think i can't wake up on time for school.
So i shall blog next time but i promise it will be very soon, really very soon!


Just being random here,
but i think my cg is uber duber cool and fun!
I think my cg will agree with me~
I just simply love them, i think i will miss their presence alot!
If u agree pls tag at my blog. lol
PQ u are cool and fun too!

Labels: I just want to be more like You

Presenting to you the 'pigs' of engit 4=)

Shirley Kam


Dennis Chua


They sure can sleep anywhere..

I wanted to delete my previous post away after today's sermon.
I felt so ashamed, guilty and I began to worry how other's will look at me.
But God reminded me what He spoke during camp.
As long as I have repented, decided to change and to think differently,
God will be pleased.
I only need to have a clear conscious and right standing before God,
I don't need to mind what others will say.
'The vulgarities and toilet story' - ask me if u wanna know =)
So i decide not to delete it,
it's true that i thought and felt this way
but I realise my mistakes.
God spoke and I'm willing to change.



I went to service with a tired body, tired mind, tired spirit and tired heart.
I didn't expect much to happen during the service.
All i thought was that it will be just like any other service.
During praise and worship,
i wasn't concentrating much.
I was too tired and i wasn't expecting much.
However when Pastor Jasmine start sharing about the sermon topic today,
my heart leap. It was about Love.
As she start sharing more about it, i sense fear in my heart.
I was scared, I'm trying to hide.
Perhaps because of pride, i didn't want to touch this topic at all.
As she continue to preach, i was totally amazed.
It's like God sitting in front of me answering all my questions, doubts
which I listed down in my previous post.


All along i have been loving people with my own kind of 'love',
my own standard.
But Jesus is here to set a new standard of love.
An unconditional love,
a love that is not a fair exchange.
unreasonable, not logical and irrational.
Coming to think of it, how true can it be.
Jesus demonstrated it by dying on the cross for us.
He is willing to die for us even though we are not worthy!


So all along i have been 'wrong' when i bless people.
I bless with a wrong intention which is to please them.
I will still continue to bless
but it's because those pple matter to God and I wanna please God.
And I wanna bless because I really love them.
And the love is those unconditional love.


Colossians 3:13-14 (New International Version)
13Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. 14And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity.

'Don't be angry, I know' - This is what God told me.
I see my mistakes and wrongdoings
I repented and I thank God for forgiving me
I should see how I can be more Christ-like
and not see how others are not Christ-like.

I wanna put on love and love people like how God love me.
I will grow.
I will change from being a self-centered person to other's centered.
I will change from thinking about now to thinking about eternity.

Love require sacrifice, it's not just a feeling but it involves having certain attitudes and actions.
Love is not about preferences,
it's not whether you feel more comfortable with this person,
or whether you like this person presence more.
Because Jesus did not choose people to love,
He love each and everyone of us,
including the Romans soldiers who nailed Him on the cross.

Luke 6:32-35 (New International Version)
32"If you love those who love you, what credit is that to you? Even 'sinners' love those who love them. 33And if you do good to those who are good to you, what credit is that to you? Even 'sinners' do that. 34And if you lend to those from whom you expect repayment, what credit is that to you? Even 'sinners' lend to 'sinners,' expecting to be repaid in full. 35But love your enemies, do good to them, and lend to them without expecting to get anything back. Then your reward will be great, and you will be sons of the Most High, because he is kind to the ungrateful and wicked.

Real love perseveres.
Real love doesn't give up hope.
Real love goes extra mile.
Real love doesn't give excuses.

Loving people despite personal differences and personal inconvenience!
'I want to care for others, like Jesus cares for me...'

John 3:30 (New International Version)
30He must become greater; I must become less

Thank you God for Your kindness in my life.
Thanks for showing me the way.
Thank You!

Ringing in my head is the song 'Awesome God'
'Our Father in heaven, establish now Your kingdom
All power, dominion
Be to our Awesome God!'

This is a super long post again.
Hope you won't get bored reading it.
But it serves as a reminder to myself!
Keep watch over me too =)


To that person whom i think you know who you are:
I'm not sure whether you will see this but i'll just say,
I don't know how to carry on from here anymore.
I feel that you are making it awkward,
but i think you feel that i'm making it awkward.
In any case, it's just awkward.
I don't like this.
I want to know what you are thinking,
and how you feel.
I'm angry, upset, dissappointed.
I know that human fails,
i know that you are not perfect,
but it seems that you have no intention to do anything to it.
You are just telling me that you don't want the friendship
in an indirect way.
I know, this is my assumption again.
But i'll never know if you never say.
I'll never understand if you don't explain.

Labels: Awesome God

Again and again and again.
What's wrong and what's right? I'm no longer sure.
What to believe and to trust? I don't know.
Am i too sensitive or you are too insensitive? I have no idea.
Is that the truth or an excuse? I can't differentiate.

I'm trying and trying but i think I'm still on the wrong track.
Should i stop? I can't bear to and i can't bring myself to it.
But if i don't, i will keep getting myself hurt.

Nights and nights of tossing around in the bed.
Crying and crying.
It feels terrible to be unable to fall asleep.
I'm not exactly a thinker but i can't help to think...

Is it worth it? Not sure too.
I only know that I have this desire, a desire for something to happen.
If only the desire can be taken away...

You always say you understand.
But you sure you really do?
Because it seems that you don't.
I think only God will understand.

Maybe i'm expecting too much from you.
I thought if you want to do something,
you'll be able to do it.
Then why do you feel awkward?
Why is it hard to talk.
Have you given up?

Sometimes sometimes, i mind too much.
I'm afraid that you will find me irritating.
I'm afraid about this, afraid about that.
Till i began losing myself.

Sometimes sometimes, i try too hard.
I like to bless pple because when i see the
gladness/happiness when they receive,
i feel delighted as well.
But perhaps i bless too much
and my motive of blessing is wrong.
Because when i try so hard to bring some stuff to bless pple,
even though i didn't bought it but it didn't come easy as well,
and the person say this
'orh, geckting don't want so she give me'
Somehow this sentence hurts.
Sometimes i keep blessing pple
and writing encouragement cards,
and then pple say
'bless too often won't have the surprise/meaning already'
Somehow this hurts as well.
When i see that the pple gets so excited
over some small stuff another person bless,
and then no reaction towards what i bless,
i feel hurt as well.
Sometimes when i work so hard
and save up just to buy a better gift for someone,
and in turn out that the person appreciate
another person's present much more,
it feels hurt.
Perhaps not everyone is a gift person like me.
Sometimes sometimes when i expect
to have presents and then i ask,
pple will say 'your rewards are great in heaven'
But i didn't expect a very expensive present,
any thing that u sincerely give is enough.

I know i know,
God says that when we give we shouldn't expect pple to reciprocate.
Our rewards are in heaven.
I know by thinking this way, i'm selfish and sorts.
But i can't help to feel dissappointed.
I need to learn, learn how to think and feel in another way.


I'm very tired, totally drained out.
I'm afraid that my heart will become harden soon.
I'm afraid that i might do silly things.
I'm afraid that i will give up...



I know that many of my questions, the answer is God.
So God help me.
Lead me out of this, guide me back, help me be an overcomer, teach me.
I'm trapped, please bring me out.
Having courage in the presence of fear,
I really want to have that.

Afterall, deep down in my heart, i still want You.
I still can't bear to let You go.
I really want to be someone that You will be proud of,
someone that pleases You,
someone that puts a smile on Your face and not dissappointment.



This is a long post.
And to whoever is reading my blog, i'm just ranting my thoughts and feelings.
Don't be stumbled, i'm a human too.
If you have any questions or whatsoever,
feel free to come and talk to me personally.

Labels: geck

Geck Ting
TP biz sch
Philippians 4:13



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